Need Solutions to Cope with a Narcissistic Husband?

anxiety attacks anxiousness Nov 02, 2022

Part 2 - to see part 1 and the video teaching, go to the following link. https://www.teresamorin.com/blog/married-to-a-narcissist-husband-learn-the-19-characteristics-of-a-narcissist

Since a Narcissistic husband is emotionally depleted from living with a Narcissistic husband, do you feel depressed, or struggle with anxiety? 

Learn fourteen steps to survive living with a narcissistic husband if you are not able to leave him because of finances and children. 

One of Aesop’s most famous fables is about the scorpion talking a frog into giving him a ride across a river. The scorpion could not swim and so he begged the frog to let him ride on his back. The frog said, “No. I’m afraid you will sting me.” The scorpion promised that he would not do that. But when they got close to the other side of the river the scorpion stung the frog. And the frog said, “You promised me. Why did you sting me?” The scorpion said, “I’m a scorpion and that’s what scorpions do.”

So how can you survive a narcissistic husband?

  1.    Set clear boundaries:
  •           Whatever it takes, find the courage to draw boundary lines for their behavior. Not allowing it.
  •           Have topics that you won’t talk about.
  •           If you do have to spend a lot of time with your narcissist, create a little bit of a detox period for yourself.
  1.    Don’t fight back or yell back: A narcissist can rage, yell, threaten you, and be malevolently cruel... You must draw boundary lines because whatever you allow will continue. If that means going to your bedroom, leaving the house, going outside, or even going to the bathroom to escape their rage and yelling. You must tell them you refuse to talk to them when they present that type of behavior.
  2.    Their behavior is not about you:
  •           Their problem is serious. They suffered severe rejection or were controlled and made some bad choices in life to protect themselves. They are full of insecurity and keep you at a distance so that you don’t really know them.
  •           Their life is about them. Don’t take it personally.  
  •           This means we must not let the drama they create make us back down. Narcissists love to create drama. It is their favorite tactic yelling, rage, and growing cold to you. They hope you will cave – peace at any price. Don’t cave but forgive quickly.
  •           But you must not be manipulated by it because whatever you allow…will continue.  Don’t give in to having peace.    
  1.    You are never responsible for their happiness:

It is a choice. Happy people never put other people in charge of their happiness. When they are not happy, they blame you. It is a trap. They are experts at mind games. Happiness is a choice. If they choose not to be happy, let them. You can’t force a person to be happy, but you can choose not to put them in charge of YOUR happiness.

  1.    Learn not to engage with them:  

Dial down the type of conversation such as the weather – small talk. Don’t talk about your emotional issues with them. They see you vulnerable and chop you up with their words. Don’t try to explain to them why you did something or said something. You’re never going to win at that game because narcissists argue like lawyers. You can’t win, so don’t bother. I had a dad who was narcissistic and when he would try to start an argument or accuse me of something, I would say, if that is what you believe, then believe it. I know the Lord knows the truth and I am accountable to him.

  1.    Get in a support group either in person or online: If you need to get counseling on how to survive a narcissistic personality do it. This can be online. You can join forums, Facebook groups, etc. Have support from friends and family members that can pray for you and lift you up when it gets difficult.
  2.    Understand That He Is Irrational – they are very suspicious people and will try to conjure up something like you have been unfaithful. My favorite line when someone accuses me is to say “if that is what you want to believe and cut the conversation off.” Don’t defend yourself – that is caving in with them.
  3.    Maintain Realistic Expectations - you’ve got to recognize that this is not going to change. This is who they were when you met them, and this is who they are now. So don’t have unrealistic hope that one day this is going to get better. 
  4.    Expect that It Will Get Worse After Having Children if Planning:

They demand to be the king bee. Children to them are inconvenient, noisy, and messy. Plus, it takes the attention off of them dealing with children’s needs. They feel like they must compete for your attention because they want 100 percent of your attention.

  1.   Don’t take their guilt trips: Living with a narcissistic person is not easy. It will be very hard because a narcissist is a pro at making us feel guilty if we are happy and they are not. Don’t take the bait. Be happy even if they refuse to be. Don’t fall into their guilt.
  2.   If they start twisting and yelling, tell them you won’t talk as long as they are yelling, and threatening. Go for a walk, get out of the house, or go to the bathroom.
  3.   Learn to forgive the unforgivable:

Forgiving is the hardest form of loving other people as Jesus has loved us. He said to love one another as I have loved you. Well, that means forgiving the unforgivable as He has forgiven us. Remember it is not about you. You are dealing with a very sadistic person that has no love in their heart. They have the heart of Saul. So, detaching the is unhooking emotionally. If we refuse to forgive, we have fallen into their trap. They want you to be angry and unforgiving. They want drama. Why? Because whoever makes you angry controls you. Forgive and break the chain.

That is why the Bible says don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Don’t punish yourself for someone else’s behavior.

  1.   Finally, here is a big key to protecting yourself:

Protect yourself from a narcissist by counting your blessings in the morning and every night. Don’t let a narcissist steal your joy. They are unhappy so they don’t want you to be happy. You need to be defiant by practicing thankfulness for all your blessings.

People who feel blessed are those who count their blessings. It’s your best protection against a narcissist!

  1.   When in public places with friends: Always be on guard for them to push your buttons to get you to react in a negative way. They want you to look bad to mutual friends.

A relationship with a narcissist is a rollercoaster. You can’t change them but you can get off the rollercoaster by counting your blessings. Seriously. Your life is bigger than the things they do.

Why is Your Husband a Narcissistic?

The spiritual fruit of a narcissist is the root of rejection. The underlying elements of rebellion, with bitterness and idolatry, are always present in the life of the narcissistic scorner. They are deceived so that they cannot see their error. In some, the Narcissistic spirit is stronger and more evident.

The evil fruit:

  •           Unteachable
  •           Deceived
  •           Uncorrectable
  •           Stubborn Self-will
  •           Self-worship
  •           Envious, Covetousness, Envy
  •           Tale Bearing, Gossip
  •           Selfish
  •           Bitter

After living with a narcissist (still married or divorced), and you feel hurt, have a broken heart, walk on eggs, dealing with anxiety, stress, and depression, How about feelings of guilt and shame? Maybe you feel defiled? Do you have a lot of negative thoughts driving anxiety, you may want to hear this next part.

 

Are you looking for some help? Are you a Christian woman that lived or still living with a narcissistic husband and you feel damaged, and struggle with anxiety? If so, sign up for a free strategy call to learn about my 12-week program. Sign up at https://www.teresamorin.com/Schedule-Strategy-Call.

 

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